F. E. A. R.

False Evidence Appearing Real

So many things to fear...  


I'm trying to keep it real and present but, at times, I'm reminded of my deepest fears and it takes awhile to regroup, and move forward in faith.


Some of my deepest fears:  

• Being alone for the rest of my life
• Inability to provide for myself and my son
• Having to move into a place that I feel is unsafe in because I cannot afford a decent place to live.
• 'Settling' for someone.

FAITH - I MUST have faith that God is in control.  He has always provided for me and I know he is providing for me now.  


My son and I are safe and happy and things will work out.  


When it's time I will find who is waiting for me.  I must believe this and pray for it and know that it is what will be!  I don't believe God would put this desire in my heart unless he were preparing me for what is to come.


 ~ TR

Honesty...

Author unk.  Taken off of facebook wallphotos

Someday...

From Unconditional Love Facebook wall photos

''I can hardly wait for tomorrow, it means a new life for me everyday''

Sometimes I take the time to look around me, really look, and feel - feel what is.  Lately, there have been some challenges in my life but, amidst those challenges, I have felt peace. I have felt happiness.  

After reflecting, I believe it's because I have felt so much pain, stress and heartbreak in the past with my husband and with circumstances in my life; that, where I'm at right now, is bliss.   

Everyday I get stronger, everyday I become more who I'm meant to be.  It took a long time for the layers of stress and walls I had built around me to come down so I could just begin to recognize and feel this bit of happiness. I still have a way to go.  It's a long journey I'm on.  

I'm starting over again with literally nothing!  No home, no possessions that amount to any kind of value.  I have very little money and a lot of debt.  I'm on my own and I'm happy.  

I have been given a gift.  I am FREE, I'm free to feel happiness and to become who I'm meant to be.  It's just me, Jake and God now.  

He is leading me every day to where He needs me to be.  He speaks to me when I need to hear him and He teaches me to trust him.   

When one has felt such suffering, there is nothing like having the weight of heartache lifted - then, one can truly appreciate happiness.  I know that to be true.  

     ~ TR

From Woman 2 Woman FB photos

I had to be reminded of this, today.  I felt worn down and depressed last night.  When the harsh reality of divorce rears it's ugly head it's not a pretty site.

I can say all kinds of things; ''I'm happier now, I am moving on, I have hope.''  But, that doesn't pay the bills, that doesn't repair my credit, that doesn't guarantee a beautiful future.  Sometimes, even though I don't want to, I have to look at the consequences of my choices and I have to wonder; 'what's next?'

I don't want to watch my life slowly disentegrate into poverty and settle for a life that I don't believe is what God wants for me.  

I do have hope.  I do have faith in God and believe he is in control.  I prayed last night for him to show me what I'm not seeing, what does he need from me, what can I be that I'm not giving myself a chance to be?  Is this it??

I got some reminders today when I read my Brave Girls posts that I have always had what I needed, even if it wasn't much...  I had what I needed and I will continue to have what I need.  God, answering my questions, letting me know he is still here, taking care of me and Jake.

I cannot have fear and faith.  I choose faith.  It may not look pretty, my life, right now.  But, I choose to believe good things are to come.  I will keep my eyes toward God and my feet moving forward a day at a time.  

~  TR

Pic found on Unconditional Love Facebook photos

I'm kinda feeling optimistic today about the future.  I have had so many doors open lately!!  I met up with my best friend Lisa M after 20 years and the magic is still there!  We have been talking quite a bit and she wants to be friends again and I'm excited because I was afraid she wouldn't like me now - ha ha!  
I should be beginning my bible study with my divorce care group!  I really enjoyed our meetings!  I have reconnected with a lot of friends on facebook that I hadn't heard from in years and that's nice!  
I have been to Belen twice and my Mom and sister have been out here, this next time will be twice!  It's just like doors and windows are opening up and I'm enjoying it!  
I'm feeling more social, less stressed.  I feel a bit stressed about money!  But, it will work out - God will help me get through it!  If things keep going the way they are I really do see great things ahead.  
God has opened my heart and my mind and that has allowed me to be open to new people in my life.
I'm just happy that my mind is opening and I'm feeling this new energy about things.  I wouldn't have thought I would feel this way just a few months ago, I was so lost in the stress and loss of my life.  But, lately I feel much more free to join in on life again.  I'm sure I will open up even more, I'm a little scared about that but it's ok, I will just take it slow.  :)


~ TR