Life took an unexpected turn this week.  I took my car in to be checked out and got a long list of shit that needed to be done on it and, almost all of it needed it SOON.  The estimate $2700.00.  I was, needless to say, stressed, appalled, frustrated, confused and conflicted.  Upon reflection, I have been in the repair shop every few months spending hundreds of dollars.  Some of it very unexpected.  Some of it I cried about for several hours.  It's been a long, tumultuas relationship with my car for the last 3 years.  With nothing but more work on the horizon.  My care is only worth 3000.00.  So, it's essentially 'totalled' in just maintenance costs.  I saw no other way out.  After being stranded, alone, on the side of the road this past week with a blown out tire (total $200) with roadside assistance and a new tire.  Sooo,  the turning point I was avoiding had arrived....  Do I continue to pay for repairs to the tune of $400 or more p/month (that's WITHOUT any 'unexpected' cotastrophies) OR, I can get  -  *AAk!* - a new car with a $300 - $400.00 payment every month but, that I can rely on.   After much stressful debate in my heart (not wanting to go into dept again)...  AND not knowing if I even had the money.  I did my budget like 1200 times and found the money.  Time to pull the trigger.  *EEEK!*

I went, by myself, to a financial place specializing in 'fresh starts' after a BK.  Got the best interest rate possible at 14.2% (at this point).  I feel I got screwed on the price, they just kept drawing the loan out to make the payments what I wanted.  BUT, The good news is, I will refi after a year for a MUCh lower rate and my payments will reduce.  After 2 years I can trade in and upgrade with an even better interest rate!  Also, my credit score increases rapidly with a car loan paid on time.  The other good news is that I have free maintenance for 2 years and MPP warrantee with Gap insurance.  My car is covered to the 'nth degree!  I don't have to worry about an accident, a repair, a maintenance.  NOTHING!  It's all paid for, for 2 years.  I just pay my 400p/month and I'm done.  I get free towing, free roadside, free rental car ... Anything I need!  So, I feel SUPER safe and, best of all, its predictable, and it WILL reduce in 1 year!  YAY!

One thing I learned during this process is that God has always and WILL always provide for my needs.  1 week ago I would have NEVER thought I'd have had the money for a new car.  But, a raise at work, some money coming in from Sean and reducing some bills and I'm good to go!  God provided and I know he will continue to do so.  

My car is so beautiful!  It's a 2010 Taurus, all new body and style - grey, tinted windows, light interior and spectacular cockpit!  The look is classy and beautiful.  It will hold it's value nicely and I'm SO happy with it.  I NEVER expected to get this car for *around* my budget!  But, I learned a lot too and next time I will do even better!  

Life it truely suprising somtimes.  Just when you think there is absolutely no way, the waters part and the sun shines down, God blesses you and, in the end, it works out!  

Praise good for his blessings and protection for Jacob and I!  

TR

Starting over....  Definately has it's drawbacks.

Living on a shoestring budget, refusing to ask for money from anyone and praying nothing goes wrong with my car.

However, I'm thankful that the lights are on, the car runs and there's food on the table.  Sometimes, that's all we need.  Back to basics....When one is humbled there are many lessons to learn.

I love my home and my neighborhood.  I have a job I love, people I love to work with.  I have enough to get by for now and, most importantly, I know this is temporary.  I KNOW things will be better one day and that, apparently, I have lessons to learn.

I pray for wisdom to learn them with grace and integrity.  I thank God for the opportunity to become more responsible financially and educate myself on the importance of budgeting and understanding that we can be happy and fullfilled even if we do not have all the 'extra's.'

It will be ok, God is in control, this is temporary.  :0)  I'm so much more happy now, even though I'm extremely poor, than when I had to live with Sean.  I love being home, I'm at peace, my son is in a stable environment and my life is my own.  Would I go back to that life for more money??  Not on your life!  Would I marry a man I didn't love for more money?  Not on your life!!

Praise God!

~ TR

Wow, Jake has changed so much since this picture.  It almost makes me cry.  He is such a cutie there.  I miss my baby.  But, he is still my baby just a little bigger and more mouthy.  He and Derek right there.  Derek was just over this week to spend the night for 2 nights.  I think Jake was in 4th grade there.  He will be in 8th this year (in 1 week).  They grow so fast it's not even funny.  Sometimes I'm afraid I will lose Jake, lose my bond with him or, lose our relationship as he grows and changes.  We are still close but, it's changed, as expected.  He would rather be with his friends than me.  Well, you know what, we love our kids and we just do the best we can with them and keep loving them no matter what.  The goal being they grow up and live happy and productive lives that enrich others around them.  

~  TR

I took this picture a lifetime ago, which amounts to approx. 4 years ago...  I thought it's a pretty good picture!  I'm not a bad photographer! Ha ha!

TR

Magestic steps...

My favorite - stone steps surrounded by beautiful nature...  I don't know why I love them so much.  I look at them and It feels mysterious and organic, such a magestic scene in nature.  It's what I imagine I will see in heaven (I hope...).  Where to those steps lead?  I can't help but follow them to see.  

TR

Lisa M and I....  Found each other after 20 years.  Living in the same state only 40 minutes apart!

At the time we found each other both of us were starting over. Lisa beginning a long journey to health from near death and myself; starting over, all on my own, as a single Mom with literally, nothing.

God works in mysterious ways - but, his timing is...  Spot on!  I just realized the significance of this as I'm writing this entry.  There is more there than what I had given it credit for.  There is a reason why we are here, together at THIS time in our lives.  I need to devote to it the attention it deserves.

Praise God!  :0)

- TR

Love this.  It's the need for hope this quote fulfilles in our hearts.  'It's ok, we all mess up.  Try again...'

Faith...  Faith in ourselves, faith in the future, faith in second chances.  It's what keeps us going really.  

Not one among us has lived a perfect, peaceful drama free life.  Hope is essential to moving on.